OOPS..

…kinda screwed up. You know those two posts last week? They were supposed to autopost THIS week, not last week.

I suppose I could try to put the blame on my blog software, but the truth is that it was indeed me who set them for last Monday and Wednesday. You see, I thought I was going to be back in town sooner, in which case that would have been perfect. I’d have two posts already written and ready to post last week, as I write new stuff for this week.

But one thing happened, and then another thing happened, and before I knew it, my “trip” was a week longer than expected. I actually knew this a couple weeks ago, so I really should have logged onto my blog and changed the autopost dates to be a week or two later. But I kinda never got around to it.

Oops.

So not only was I unable to respond to the people who left comments last week (sorry for the rudeness,) but now that I’m (almost) back, I don’t have any posts ready. Today you should have been reading the “Meet Your New Personal Trainer” filler post as I leisurely put together new Hannah posts for next week.

Instead, you get *this* post. As I leisurely put together new Hannah posts for next week. Assuming I can think of how to even tell the Hannah story.

Oh, who am I kidding. I know *exactly* how I’m going to tell the Hannah story.

But because this is “AM all Night” and I have my own way of doing things, I do have one more little diversion before we get to Hannah. No, it’s not another workout post. It’s not another theme song.

I have one word for you.

Coquette.

Dr. BS’s Ego Knows No Bounds

Yes, I know it’s May. And I know I haven’t written a legitimate post since January. (Some might even argue that I haven’t written a legit post since December.)

Well, rest assured, the torture will resume as soon as I am able. I promise! But that’s a least a few weeks off. In the meantime . . .

A couple people have suggested that during this little layoff, it might be nice to have a forum, since a number of people check in here even when there aren’t any new posts.

Obviously, I love this idea. An AM all Night Forum! A special place where everyone can discuss how wonderful Dr. B.S. is! Why didn’t I think of this myself?

But then I was informed that that isn’t what they were thinking the forum would be for.

Hold on a minute. What? Not all about me???

Silly reader. Why would I be interested in that?

“Because if there was a forum, people could post ideas or questions or maybe even post a profile they’re thinking of using, but they want to get feedback on it first.”

“Oh. That’s a good idea, but I really don’t have enough time right now to answer questions or critique profiles.”

“No, doc. You don’t have to answer the questions. There are lots of other guys who are doing pretty well on AM, too. They might even have some ideas of their own that are different from yours and they could post them.”

“You mean bad ideas, right?”

“No, good ideas. You do know you’re not the only guy getting laid, don’t you?”

Other guys out there are getting laid? Without Dr. B.S.’s help??? My head was spinning here!

This got me thinking, “Hmmmmm . . . ” (That’s usually what I say when I start thinking.) “Hmmmmm, when Claire has logged on to AM, there have been a few damn good profiles that I wish I had thought of myself. And many of the commenters here do have some pretty insightful things to say. Maybe this forum thing isn’t such a bad idea. Come to think of it, this is kind of what I envisioned when I first started ‘AM all Night.’ A community of sorts where we could all share tips or funny stories or even vent about things that happen.

“And, of course, talk about how wonderful Dr. B.S. is!”

So, because I care so very much for you, the faithful “AM all Night” reader, I have put together a shiny new forum. (Go ahead. Click!) I’ll keep a link near the top of my sidebar that says something clever, like “Forum.”

I don’t really have any forum rules figured out. We’ll probably play that by ear.

I think the way the forum is set up now, you don’t have to register or anything to post or reply, so fire away. Although this post suggests it’s a place mostly for the fellas, ladies are of course more than welcome.

Topics that would make sense would be any tips you have to share, or maybe a profile you’re writing that you’d like people’s opinions on, or some funny story that happened to you, or just something you need to vent about.

As far as this blog goes, I will indeed return in a few weeks. I’m working on a few new girls, one of whom is a blogger. But there’s been others over the past couple of months I haven’t revealed yet: Coquette, Hannah . . . I can’t not tell you those stories.

This Might Be Awhile

For obvious reasons, I can’t go into detail about what’s going on here (no tragedies or anything like that,) but I’m going to be out of commission for at least another week or two. Maybe longer, but we’ll see.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – “But Dr. B.S.! Who’s going to enthrall us while you’re gone?” Silly reader. Since when have you ever felt entertained when I’m here? But that’s a topic for another time. Only your therapist can really help you with why you subject yourself to my mindless ramblings.

Anyway, as is my custom (I’m such a slave to tradition,) I have a few new blogs to recommend:

First is Vanilla Mom, who writes what may very well be the best fantasies I’ve read anywhere. She really does have a gift for this and I can’t recommend her highly enough. Granted, she isn’t new, but by golly, I have to give her a plug. So to speak.

One thing, though. Contrary to what her name might suggest, she is most certainly not “vanilla.” Mostly she indulges her submissive side, which can get pretty kinky, so consider yourself warned. (Or more likely, “intrigued.”) Check out her most recent stories (all within the last week. This girl is prolific!):
The Mechanic’s Deal
Photographs
Goin’ Commando
Nightmare

But the fun doesn’t end there! There are two actual new blogs that are worth a look, both by guys diving into the Ashley Madison waters and then writing about it.

First is “Talking to Bob,” where Sweet Lou writes about his adulterous adventures with the twist of telling “Bob” about what happened. It’s a pretty cool concept. I like this guy.

Second is Ryan Beaumont’s “The Ashley Madison Adventures of a Regular Guy Gone Bad.” The title kinda explains it all. To be honest, I’ve only read a few posts in this one and haven’t had time to fully catch up, but what I have read has been fun. Check him out.

And even though I’ve mentioned him before, I want to give another shout out (see how hip I am with the lingo?) to Adulterous Letch for his “A6Y” blog. I love this guy’s sense of humor and his blog is consistently top notch. If you haven’t checked him out before, you definitely should.

Never Under-Estimate a Husband..

Dr. BS is very fortunate to still be alive, handsome and on-the-prowl right now. I came very close to being either hospitalized or embalmed the other day. You, the dear reader, came very close to never being enthralled online again. This is serious. Please allow me to explain…

Last week I received an AM collect message from a very good looking female in lingerie. She noticed my profile, liked what she saw and assumed I could be of some assistance in unhooking that stubborn, lacy bra strap of hers.

Problem was, she wanted to meet, and not in a coffeeshop, but straight at the hotel. Which meant one of three things:
1) my reputation precedes me: heading to a coffeeshop beforehand would simply be such cruel foreplay, working her up to boiling point in anticipation of what was about to happen as soon as we left the coffeeshop that she’d be afraid she might have an embarrassing Meg Ryan public orgasm.

2) Actually, now that I think of it, there’s no other possibility here. Thats it, she was afraid of publicly losing herself in rapturous ecstasy while merely in the presence of my charms, no doubt about it.

(but I was going to say she might have been afraid of being seen in public…perhaps she was afraid her boyfriend/husband/double-dealing-private-eye was following her, waiting for that perfect moment to bust her orgasming next to me in the coffeeshop.)

Now, as the readers of this blog are undoubtedly aware, I have a strict policy about meeting for sex without meeting in public first. For one, any girl could send me some model-esque pics, and it could even be her, that is, before she got that goiter on her thyroid which caused her to gain 300 lbs. Women have been known to transform from beauty into beast in three months or less. Disgusting as it is, I’d probably feel compelled to have sex with the 300 lb woman in my hotel room (only because I’m cheap and don’t want to waste all that money paying for a room for nothing). I can, however, walk away from $3 coffee without being compelled to make love (unless she slipped some Spanish Fly into my joe when I wasn’t looking, transforming from beast back into bangable beauty right before my eyes).

Besides, even if she is beautiful, I’m going to want to get to know her at least a little bit. There’s a reason strippers come out on stage clothed at first; everyone (even the horniest of men) enjoys the anticipation, imagination and build up.

So I told her we’d have to meet at a coffee shop first, but it’d be only a block from the hotel. She was hesitant, and really really horny, (yes, understandable) but finally relented and said that she’d meet me there tomorrow evening at 8.

I arrived promptly at 8:05 (tried getting there early, but it was downtown parking) but nobody there looked anything close to her pictures, or even the monstrous 300 lb criminology/artist’s rendition of her new appearance in my head, so I checked my email, and sure enough she wrote:

“Sorry, flat tire..I’m three or four blocks away in an alley behind Hut’s Hamburger’s. Can you hold up 30 minutes while I change it?”

To which I, of course, replied,

“30 minutes?? I’m ready to go now woman!! How about I walk over there and change the tire myself? Start unhooking your bra now, I’ll be done with the tire in 5, before you’re naked. ”

So I finished my coffee, got up, and got a refill. Something told me this girl really didn’t want to be seen in public with me. Was she being followed by a private eye? Was she onto him? Was he onto us?

Sometimes it’s better to wait another day, unsatisfied women aren’t a rare breed going extinct.

Besides, I take many precautions here, because I’m always paranoid my wife will hire a PI. For instance, when sitting at a coffeeshop with a lady, I never take the window seat. I never walk with her in public. These things are serious, and while it’s often seen only in movies, it is a reality in our world.

And call me lazy, but I consider it a form of groveling to change the tire of a woman you haven’t had sex with yet.

Then just yesterday, I received a panicked visit from Rachelle, whom I haven’t spoken to in several months. Turns out, Rachelle left her browser open with one tab on my blog, one tab on Ashley Madison, left her second email account open, etc. He figured out the Rachelle on this blog was his wife (and yes, I give everyone an alias to protect their identity, but still, it’s not hard to put 2 and 2 together) and read the very intimate descriptions of his wife in bed, displayed in this very public trophy case of mine. Then, as any diabolical husband would naturally do, he didn’t confront his wife, but instead created a fake Ashley Madison account (as a hot woman), tracked down yours truly, and contemplated beating the living shit out of me instead. He told his friend about it, who told his wife, who told Rachelle who was now telling me all this. She was really scared, not just for me, but because her husband knew and yet was acting completely normal around her, which yes, was very creepy.

Apparently he was waiting in his truck with a bat for me to walk into that alley. He knew exactly what I looked like, pimp-hat and all.

Well, needless to say, it’s a huge mess and it’s still going on. I wish I knew what to do here, but I do know one thing: as much as I value my teeth, I can’t say I blame the husband that much. It sounds bizarre to say this to a web of friends who are all cheaters, whom we all help, encourage and root for, but if any of you fuckers bangs my wife– prepare to die!!

I do know one thing: my Ashley Madison account has been discovered, and I can no longer trust it’s a woman and not the barrel of a gun on the other end of that computer screen. So as much as it pains me, I’m deleting my current Ashley Madison account and starting a new one as of today. All my reviews will be flushed down the memory hole, and I will no doubt go through a dry spell before I get those back. Yes, it’s going to be much harder to hook up online, at least for awhile, no doubt I’ll get more rejections, etc. but at least I won’t be morph into a thirty-something wheelchair bound, incontinent cheater with the face of hamburger meat rolling after a 300 lb. woman who is frantically trying to escape the coffeeshop after witnessing my hideous sight.

Well….at least not today.

Ms Inconspicuous Was Right!

Don’t you hate that?

You see, back in December, I said in my “And What Do YOU Want for Christmas, Little Girl?” post that I would be taking a short little break and would be back in January. Well, the first comment right out of the box was from that smart aleck, Ms Inconspicuous, who wrote:

And by January, he means March.

~sigh~ She thinks she’s so smart. Which wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t turn out that she was right!

On the bright side, there’s a reasonable possibility that I won’t be back until April, not March. Ha! In your face, Ms Inconspicuous!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But Dr. B.S.! Even by your lazy standards, this is a pretty long break! What about the blog? Don’t you have any kind of work ethic at all?”

As a matter of fact, I do. At least by lazy-doctor-who-just-tells-you-to-just-go-home-and-decrease-your-dose-of-asprin-and-you’ll-be-A-OK-when-you-show-up-to-the-ER-bleeding-out-every-orifice-standards. (which I guess means I don’t)

But this (watered down) work ethic doesn’t work the way you might think when it comes to blogging. It’s all about keeping things in perspective. So I have a few rules I’ve made for myself pertaining to this blog. The first rules have to do with risk.

Rule number one is that I don’t do any of this at home. I don’t write or read blog related stuff, no matter how safe I think I might be. Even if everyone else is out of the house. It’s too easy to forget that I didn’t actually close a window, but instead just minimized it, so it’s still sitting on the dock. Waiting to re-show itself at the worst possible time. More than one (former) blogger has made that exact mistake and is no longer with us because of it.

You see, you as a reader have an advantage. If you should happen to get caught reading “AM all Night,” you can simply come up with a story about some friend who sent you a link with the words, “Can you believe this jerk???” In fact, it might even be a good idea to have a trusted friend actually send you that email once a week or so. You know, just in case. That way you can actually show your spouse the email as proof!

And then you can joke with your spouse about how stupid the blog is. (See? The low quality writing here turns out to be a good thing!)

And if you live in Austin, Tx, you can throw up the ultimate smoke screen and say, “You know . . . the writing style . . . the description . . . I think I might know who this guy is!” Lemons to lemonade, my friend. Not only are you not on the hot seat anymore, but now you and your spouse are having fun as (s)he tries to get you to spill the beans on who you think this “Dr. B.S.” bozo might be!

So you don’t need to worry too much. But if I get caught with “AM all Night” on my computer screen, it’s a different story. It won’t take long for my wife to notice a lot of similarities between Dr. B.S. and me. Tall – check. Med Student- check. Devilishly handsome – check. Illiterate – check. My goose is cooked!

Of course, I could pull out my driver’s license and show her, “Look Honey! See? It says ***** *****, not Dr. B.S.!” But my wife is pretty smart, so I don’t think that one’s gonna work. (Sure, marrying me showed poor judgement, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t smart.)

This all means safety has gotta be priority one. Therefore no blog activity at home.

The other rules have to do with priorities. No offense, dear reader, but you and this blog are a distant third on my priority list behind family and work. (Truth be told, you’re not even third, but I don’t want to give you an inferiority complex. I mean, let’s be real about this. You don’t seriously think that blogging about fucking your wife is a higher priority than actually fucking her, do you?)

So when things get busy here in docworld with family and/or work, the blog has to go dark for a while. Indeed, suffice it to say that lately, my plate has been a little full with family and/or work. (You weren’t really expecting anything more specific than that, were you? Although for those who might wonder, I will say that all is well and there is nothing bad going on.)

I get asked all the time how I balance family life, work, “side action,” and the blog. This is how. It’s not the first, or even the second, or even the third time I’ve taken an extended break.

And if it makes you feel better, Dr. B.S. hasn’t been getting extracurricularly laid in 2012 either. I’ve just been too busy. Oh wait, except for Connie stopping by the clinic unexpectedly a couple weeks ago. But that doesn’t really count because I literally hadn’t seen her in years and I had no idea she was coming and she was only here for a couple hours and we had to be really quiet because people were outside in the lobby and it wasn’t even my idea and . . . and . . . oh, all right, it counts. (She looked great, by the way. It was really a nice surprise.)

So there. Give me two or three weeks. Then “AM all Night” will be back in all its inglory. (Hmmm . . . spellcheck says that “inglorious” is a word, but “inglory” is not. Damn. But I’m gonna use it anyway. Because I’m a rebel!)

Oh, one other thing. New readers to this blog (even the masochistic type of new reader who actually went back and read the archives. You know who you are!) might not know that tradition here is that “Lame Excuse” posts (such as this one) always self destruct when I return to regular blogging. That’s because I don’t like clutter in the blog. I don’t want mindless babbling interrupting all the mindless babbling.

With that in mind, since this post (as well as the previous one) will be deleted in a few weeks, then so will the comments. So if you comment, don’t make it too good. It’s just gonna get erased anyway in a few weeks with the rest of the post.

Which, of course, means that this is your perfect opportunity to make that special confession. Or unload that deep dark secret you’ve always wanted to get off your chest. Go ahead, dear reader. Confess. It will feel good.